I feel like the last 365 days have been intense for me and my family. I started to year finding out my fiancé wasn’t sure he loved me anymore and as it sunk in I spent most of January of last year feeling stupid for not seeing this coming. Suddenly I had no home, no money and no clue where to go or what to do.
February was unhealthy as we played pretend for the children, but the house was torn apart with upstairs being for me and downstairs for him. By the end of the year the kids and I moved in with my parents and the decision to move back to my birthplace was made. A very hard choice for me because I honestly hated living away from the city, but I also hated where I was currently living. Thankfully the living conditions of two children and three adults in a small 3-bedroom semi-detached house didn’t last long as I signed a contract to move in to a rented house not too far from my parents’ and my brother.
March was tough. It was my 30th birthday and I had hopes to celebrate it like I celebrated my fiancé’s 30th by going to Coombe Mill in Cornwall. But I had not even considered a holiday, my life had been flipped all the way around and I was still waiting for benefits to come through. I was living off my parents’ kindness at this point, I know how lucky I am for having them to fall on as some people out there don’t have that option. Mother’s Day was when I officially moved in to my home and I spent it filled with so many emotions. My parents’ did get my son to sign a card to give to me which meant so much, I was just about able to do the same for my own mother as I lacked transport other then asking my dad to take me places. And bare in mind they live in a countryside village so there’s little to no busses and no shops.
April was weird and also tough. It was my son’s birthday and the first time my ex’s family came over. It would also be the last time. Ignoring the fact Tesco screwed up the order for my son’s birthday food and cake and added salt to the wound by offering me £5 gift card as a form of apology, they were just rather rude and at no point thanked me for being the hostess, instead talked about me as if I wasn’t there and thanked my mother for doing everything. This didn’t go unnoticed by my own mother who responded saying was all me. Of course I never got a simple thank-you or anything like that. But to turn over a new leaf my son had started at a brand new school.
From here on my kids were doing well. My son was in a fantastic school and had made friends almost instantly. My daughter was now able to gain 15 free hours at nursery and was at an awesome nursery just round the corner. It was all perfect, but I was still not feeling right. I didn’t know why until later on in the year and I feel stupid for leaving it so long too.
Over time I took my boy camping just me and him for the first time, trips to the beach, spending pennies at the arcades, going to the fireworks display for the first time and having impetigo and other horrible things. But we did it together and made it through it all.
I met a guy. I was very sure I’d never want to date ever again after 11 years with someone just got drained out of me. I wasn’t looking for love and yet something happened and now I have this kind gentleman who will drive 5 hours to see me on a regular basis, sends me flowers and treats me whether it’s a beautiful Pandora bracelet (oh my god I’m still in shock he got me one! Eeep!) or just taking me out for a coffee. It feels weird but in a good way. No, in a GREAT way.
December was just chaotic, having to start all over buying a tree, decorating the house and then realising Christmas was just around the corner… oh god it was a nightmare and I hit rock bottom. This is what I had ignored for months, this feeling of tiredness and hate. I couldn’t be bothered with anything and I was always grumpy and yelling at my children. I had seen my doctor and been given medication but for some (stupid) reason I didn’t take them. Only a few days ago have I finally accepted that I need them. I need anti-depressants. And that’s okay.
The year ended on a good note, meeting an old friend at his wife for a game of Game of Thrones Cluedo, Pizza Hut and some drinks. It was perfect and I cannot wait for 2017 to roll on. I have so many ideas in my head. But you’ll have to wait for that another time.
If you’ve gotten this far then congrats! Seriously even I’m fed up of reading my own blog post! I’ve found 2016 to suck not because of all the losses we’ve seen (though many of them really did upset me) and the hatred we’ve seen, rather it sucked because it was a chaotic mess. But I made my way through it somehow. Time to clear up and make things perfect!