I always looked at single parents in amazement. How on earth do they make things work? How do they afford the basics of living? And those with more than one child… I mean I have two and even in a relationship I was struggling to deal with them both. The thought of being a single mother of two children totally freaked me out. So when I became one I must admit I was scared. I truly didn’t think I was a strong enough person to look after two dependants, balance the books and keep a house. I couldn’t do it beforehand so no way I could on my own.
Somehow I have been able to. There are moments (specially during the Easter holiday) where the children have driven me up and down the wall, but my son is enjoying school, he’s never late, my daughter is starting nursery for the first time in a few days time and the house doesn’t look like a child-like confetti bomb blew up in it. I haven’t stepped on a toy car or Duplo in weeks! Admittedly I have stepped on a few bits of Lego in my son’s room, but we’re tackling that. Mostly by finding it under his bed instead.
I’m feeling better as well. Though I do have moments of anxiety when trying to figure out whether I can pay for certain things or if I can afford to get some new clothes or wait til next month. I think that’s a mixture of learning to do things on my own for the first time and my mental illness trying to get to me. My main worry lately has been about my son’s birthday. Just spent a what is normally a weeks worth of food shopping just to feed people for a single day, plus a cake. Something I had not considered until a week ago when I was planning what food I would need to get, where from, delivery time and of course the cake.
But my biggest problem is lack of adult conversation. I have my parents thankfully but there’s some things I can’t talk to them about, like video games and the music I like. Typing to people only does so much, it’s nice to actually use my voice once in a while to talk to someone who isn’t going to say the word “poop” 50 times per day. Hopefully when my daughter gets in to nursery and settles down I can actually talk and meet people here.
Any way this is more an update. I did just buy a tent for my son and I to go back to camping so hopefully I’ll be blogging about future camping trips soon!