Nightmares

I have nightmares that are either the same or similar to each other. They leave me feeling low, upset, scared and tired as I will spend the whole night waking up from the nightmare, falling asleep only to continue the nightmare and wake up again.

The nightmares are of my past, my ex usually finding me and taking me away from my family and no one ever finding me. The story sometimes changes but it’s still the same, the fear of him finding me, running from him, the sort of stuff you see in movies that you’d not think really happen but the nightmares feel real and even though I know it didn’t happen it leaves a nasty mark on me for the rest of the day.

Lately these have been pretty bad. The sun rises, the kids wake up and I feel like I’ve barely had a wink of sleep. My back aches and often when I do wake I find myself in awkward positions, some times with my arms above my head for some odd reason. Petit Boy is nearly 4 years old and has gone from being quiet and little bit shy to being super loud and very outgoing since starting nursery. Trouble is the mix of his loud voice and the lack of sleep I have had don’t often go very well together and I sadly admit that I do snap at him. Another thing that puts me in a bad mood, I don’t mean to react badly to him so it makes me feel awful for doing it.

I want the nightmares to end. I don’t really know how that can happen, not a clue. But right now I want to get it off my chest and I would do anything for this to stop bothering me so much.