Trying to Move On…

Hey everybody. Apologises for the radio silence. Some of you will know the relationship between my fiancé and I ended and I had to find a place for the kids and I to live. Also to top it off not long after moving we all caught a horrible mix of coughs, colds, sore throats, ear ache, swollen throats, dry throats, headaches, colds, runny noses and sinus pains. Also I only just got the Internet sorted at my new house, so yeah thus to silence on the blog.

I keep telling myself “you are doing good” and “you can move on from this” and for a while I agreed with the little voice in my head. But after a week in the house something changed in my mind. I pictured my fiancé rushing over to tell me he does still love me and moves in with me in this house. But soon reality slapped me and that was never going to happen. And so the sobbing and fear of being alone got to me.

A week ago I fell ill and soon my daughter (2 years old) did as well and followed swiftly by my parents. Now I'm single parenting whilst unwell with a sick toddler and a child whose 6th birthday is next weekend that I wish I could play with and give him what he wants but I simply can't when I can barely function and have a little one sobbing in my arms in pain. This week has been testing me and I would have preferred it to have waited a few more weeks before doing so because I'm just not ready for all this.

I haven't done a food shop. Lunch today consisted of strawberries, mini cheddars (the last pack which was shared between the kids) and cocktail sausages. Thankfully the children thought it was the best lunch ever, though that's probably because it was mostly strawberries as realised the best before date is this Sunday. I've also used up a large box of tissues and now on to toilet rolls for myself and giving the kids the last tissue box filled with soft tissues for their snotty noses. And I know my son needs new bed time pants (he's such a heavy sleeper!) but part of me is praying I have enough to last just a few more days.

Also I had paid money upfront for a hotel at the NEC for Insomnia 57 and had to cancel, losing my money. I'm not fit enough for a big event and no one can look after my daughter so decided was best to cancel and lose the £74 I had paid. Deeply sorry to those who I was going to meet tomorrow. I would hate for any one to get this illness, it's absolutely horrible!

Life stuff is also rushing around me at an alarming speed. Viewing schools, applying for a school, getting my son a new uniform, trying to learn how to get to the school, sort out paying rent, getting the benefits I should be getting, filling in a million forms, looking at nurseries, applying for funding for nursery, applying to a doctors who then tell you that's wrong come back with the rest stuff, waiting for the post man to delivery letters to give to the council before I lose my application for other benefits and in all that I have been poorly and somehow ended up getting a car which will be with me next week. So not all bad but just hectic.

I just want to settle down. Being reminded of my past relationship hasn't helped me and neither has being sick for over a week. Want to make my house look perfect, not a house that's slowly being invaded by used tissues and empty packets of paracetamol. Hopefully I will be back soon!

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